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mad_is_fear

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!st post in ages yay me:) someone reply please:P let me feel unlonely once:) [Sep. 29th, 2004|10:43 am]
mad_is_fear
Life was all getting better,i have no money but i was happy.but 5mins ago had a fight with my bro and i was like all pissed off.fuckin bastard.... he just cant let me live happilly..and bigger problem i told him 2 days ago about some stuff that happened with me back in uae and he knows some personal stuff like about girls i liked and asked(it was outtaa a bordem moment):S
anyway i will just ignore his remarks...

life is good anyway:) happy... i relaized i have many mANY both real life and online friends:) everyone i love u:) u rock my world...
i am chatting with a friend from uae...it just makes me happy:D

i have this ..hmm 1/2 words 1/2 lyrics in my mind goin i thought about posting(yes i only post lyrics all time.cause i love to sing and i love guitar:P i will buy one soon and get lessons)

How does this world turn around this fast
and we find ourself seprated in a blast
when i see flashes of our past
it gives me impulse to never haise
Clock ticks the time out with no pace
and U feel yourself getting hit in ur face

Once loved,now lonely....
once hated,now happilly...
made u cry all the way....
but now its my time to pay....
i have too many depts on me.....
and u have no reason to forgive me.....

but i pray.and pray... for forgivness

Tears of blood stream down my face
I just relaized ur love is that mystry case
that would never be solved
or will either be closed

help me.....
guide me....
show me the way to heaven
i dont wanna be like kraven

final chapter in my life written
with car one day i will be hitten
people will give it a name
suicide and or self-blame
in my opinion accidents happen
like that day when u got bitten

not too often,but not never
not too often,but not never

cry out bitch atleast i chose my destiny
no good byes but finally i am free...
from this world made in 2d...
here in souls-world everything is 3rd
I found my love and found a my soul-twin
and she is pregnant with a cute lil twin
i am happy so good-bye
and i wish to see ur face as u cry
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Alittle something...hope someone comments on it:) [Sep. 15th, 2004|11:30 pm]
mad_is_fear
i sit in the park where i dwell
for this boy i love so well
he took my heart away from me
now he wants 2 set me free
i see a girl sit on his lap
he seys fings 2 her he never said 2 me
i run home 2 bed,
not a word 2 mother was sed
dad came home late that nite
he looked at me from left 2 rite
he took a knife 2 cut me down
and on ma dress
a note was found
"dig my grave
dig it deep
dig my grave
from head
to feet
and on the top
place a dove
and remember this...
i died for love"
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hmm [Aug. 27th, 2004|06:23 pm]
mad_is_fear
i read this somewhere or wrote it before?!! not sure... well thought i\d post it

Now tears of pain are gone
Though once they flowed free
Fear imprisoned hearts and trapped destiny
Yet the hopeful prayed on
And hope came to be



also.. am i gettin blocked by everyone on msn?? or what well.. anyway.. i don't care..
forget it...
like if u didn't want to talk to me ,just say it.. even if forever.. or just today..also when i talk to someone and they don't respond i don't like it..:p
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wow no one commented on my last lj:s?! [Aug. 27th, 2004|05:23 pm]
mad_is_fear
wow
like am i this lonely?!!\
lol
no oNE COMMENTED?!!
anyway.. looks for friends around.. hmmm i can't find any this close;P not even in my pocket.. ayway this is a song for someone who knows who i mean:P


If you're lonely
And need a friend
And troubles seem like
They never end
Just remember to keep the faith
And love will be there to light the way

When the shadows are closing in
And your spirit diminishing
Just remember you're not alone
And love will be there
To guide you home

Anytime you need a friend
I will be here
Never be alone again
So don't you fear
Even if you're miles away
I'm by your side
So don't you ever be lonely
Love will make it alright

If you just believe in me
I will love you endlessly
Take my hand
Take me into your heart
I'll be there forever baby
I won't let go
I'll never let go
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ok just [Aug. 22nd, 2004|06:33 pm]
mad_is_fear
ok just got myself an avatar.:):P
yup the finger by garfield..

i feel alittle better today
but my thighs r still hurt now they r black,and i am still punching them..:S...
oh well...


i chose computer engineer as my major in university
goin to irbid tomorrow.. i wonder if my life will get better now...
i am trying my best to work things out..
to forget all the be-loves i had.,,
trying to find myself
also trying to start being myself..:).. i am happy that i feel better,,
no wonder i've been down for 2 days.. well i am still not up.. but well things got alittle better,i guess talking to fatima helped me:) thx girl for being here for me....
also thx hila for talking to me
and thx kathie for ur help:)

wow i never knew online friends can be this helpful.... i always tried to be the one heping people..
oh right my 1st thx goes to jenni,she helped through my 1st depression.. girl u know u rule:)
thx alot for all the other friend i know.,u r all great. just knowing was enough to help me:)
i found something bad today.. and thought i would post this song here:

I don't wanna know where your whereabouts or how you movin
I know when you in the house or when you cruisin
It's been proven, my love you abusin
I can't understand, how a man got you choosin (yeah)
Undecided, I came and provided
My undivided, you came and denied it (why?)
Don't even try it, I know when you lyin (I know when you lyin)
Don't even do that, I know why you cryin (stop cryin)
I'm not applyin no pressure, just wanna let you know
That I don't wanna let you go (I don't wanna let you go)
And I don't wanna let you leave
Can't say I didn't let you breathe
Gave you extra G's (c'mon), put you in the SUV
You wanted ice so I made you freeze
Made you hot like the West Indies (that's right)
Now it's time you invest in me
Cause if not then it's best you leave
Holla, yeah
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Life is shit [Aug. 21st, 2004|06:17 pm]
mad_is_fear
thats what i found out after all this days
LIFE IS SHIT
thx for all the people who helped me to figure it out..
it took me soo long but now it is clear:P
oh right thx alot hila. now i have my old problem back,. my thighs r now purple and goin black soon.. the punches areas r so clear it looks like a training sand bag

ok well. what else?!!
iu can't choose what section to join in university
i can't find any good things in my life..
all this little things joining togther makes me feel shitty all time
i realy need a shrink...:S:(

this is a song to u who u know urself,i might not be able to see u again.. U know i will have to forget since u r already taken ,why did u have to go .. is it because i never told u the truth.. but u knew i was too shy to do it??... u knew it from the look in my eyes. u had the same look i know it..
well.. thx alot for giving my happiness in the past. and thx for causing me pain in my present..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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how cna i use this thing?!?! [Aug. 20th, 2004|05:15 pm]
mad_is_fear
like how can i join groups and people?!?! lol i wanna have 100 people commenting on me:P
lol anyway.. today my family flew back.. aww i am alone here:( well not for long on monday i am goin to irbid.. lol gonna stay with my 2 elder brothers
will buy a new computer and buy my self a thousand games and play them all:p ALLLLLLLLLLL for me
i am hearing some fdunny shit.. i wonder if i am still alive..
how do u know u r alive? i can't cut myself :P cause i got this problem with cuts(not a disease more like i hate cuts:P they hurt,like i hate pain in general even though i keep getting myself in painful situations;P)



looking for my love,lost love is always hard to find
still searching for love,ur heart is so kind
i saw u there,with all ur beauty
i wonder why i think of u as my cuty:P
search and look for it
and u will find it
and when u find
i will church it
gaurd it
love it
die for it
but will never let it go
and even if i do so
hope.. my dear.. hope cause will never meet again..
i am sorry i loved u.. i ask for forgivness.
my heart will never forgive me,but can u...
my lost love bye bye.. will never meet again.........
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Lonely?none online,no emails at all?!?! whats wrong people [Aug. 18th, 2004|07:30 am]
mad_is_fear
really?!?!? whats wrong with u all/..
where have all the good men-and women:P- gone?!
god is it like i don't email,so u just ignore me..:(
hmm i went to the uni today again,pretty cool,i just sit there and watch girls and guys go by..lol.. YAY FUN
lol
i hate my life:P i am writing here .. just for myself:P i don't need people feeling sorry for me/... i just liked it here,makes me feel tiny bit little better than before when i write my shit...
i hear people complaining about thier lifes?!! for gods sake u have everything u dream about.or almost everything.. why do all u people want life to be soo perfect.. look at me,i am livingg a shitty life. and i never complain. i remember a year or so ago nitzan was all sad and stuff,cause she is lonely. i told her life gets better which was a lie -atleast for me- .. lol well i talked to her for 30 mins and i did my best to convince her(not that she believed me anyway:P...) and my proficy of her finding many new friends and getting her life better got right:P:) wow i am a predictor:P-anyway that was like the last time me and nitzan chatted seriously,like the other times she just says hi-bye..lol and stuff like that-
but i think.. i wish her happines.. everyone is happy now. fatima works for gerogeo armani shops/gallery (the big designer) i mean like wow.. sun.. well that girls is a mystery one day i will figure her out.. hila became more enjoyable to talk to ,but she seems to get shittier and i don't thnk i can't even help her:(
i was supposed to meet some guys today., like 10 so they can see me before i go to irbid.. but well shit happens right:P
so anyway;. i will get to meet them some other time
my family is leaving in like 3-4 days YAY i will be alone.. or almost alone
i found out i can't send messages to israel.. but anyway.. i can sms anywhere else or almost anywhere else
so i sms like crazy// i also got this big artist number and a friend phoned her from my mobile:P and like actually asked for her.. and her manager told him to phone tomorrow
so tomorrow i will phoe her and act like i want to make a private party and stuff:P
lol. aIN'T I EVIL:P
i am gonna go to jail for this. YES

omg my friend jus phoned me from uae. like wow:D.. i am happy.thx alot bilal.. man. i really miss u:'(
i also got another call from a friend 2 days ago. oh god why do friends go apart when they go to universities:( like i really MISS THOSE old days:(..
anyway .. i will never forget those wonderful memories.. it is this kind of moments money can't buy:'(...
oh well...
see ya around everyone/ and wish u happiness... email me or message me at my number ....
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hmmm. back again [Aug. 17th, 2004|08:25 pm]
mad_is_fear
my birthday was on 11 august.. yes like 5-6 days ago and like none of my online firends rememberedit,only 2 guys ..and agirl i know since a longtime...and some online stripper (which suprised me,cause she started working 16 hours a day,and she even sent me a 10 mins vedio of her;):D)
lol
anyway i got my number activated finally
u can now beep me and emsage me at
+962795957578

pretty good number.. yah i have some connections;)heehee..
life is getting worst to me and better at the same time.. universities seem to be really fun.like i went to the uni of jordan and wow like WOWWWWWWWWW

wish my luck.
i just found out that one of my uae friends might come over to study with me in the same uni:)

i started talking to hilalike all the time:P..thats odd.:P we hardly ever chated before.ow we just junkchat alltime
nitzan... well i hardly ever talk to her,phoned her once and wow she really does have a cute voice,but well things r stillgoin like i said before.........
sun,nothing new i still try to talk and she never answers:P
who else?! well...i can't remember..

oh right i made this girl cry..i didn't mean to..like i got an internationalcall from uae and when answering it is some girl i once or twice talked to in real(we chatted alot) and she was like happy we r talking.. and she asked me to sing. and i sang somesad arabic song...and then she closed .. then 5 min later a friend phoned me,fighting me cause he saw her crying in mall?!! how could i know she would get moved by that song!!lol.. anyway itis his fault in the 1st place is the one who gave her my number..
anyway
i gtg will post another time tomorrow or so:)
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hi i am back,yay i just got accpeted in the university [Jul. 31st, 2004|06:22 pm]
mad_is_fear
*parties* yaynesss.. iu am in university finally:D
i am gonna stuydy computer enigneer
i am hearing some song's remix i think it is everytime by brotney spears ,i always hated that singer,but this remix is pretty good.
hmm ,life is good.. watched 4 movies in 1 night?!!!!!
they were..:
spider man 1
blue streak
butterfly effect
identity

pretty good ones.. lol i also got the movie "first 50 dates"
will watch it soon
hope so atleast...:D
hmm online life is bad.,. no friends are online??! none at all?!! bad typos by me... lol i am going crazy ...HELP ..1.1.1
heehee

jordan lost today because some dumb refreee decided to change the side they were shooting plenty kicks?!!
of course the power of japan was good:s and luck was against us.. still we had a chance. actually we had more than one chance.. but we lost them,.so our fault i guess:S
yay that cut girl i like is here with me in the cafe,wow;):P
lol yah but i ain't gonna talk to her.. atleast not this week::S
maybe next week:S...

i am trying to find a place to learn guitar.. any help?:)_
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